‘Role diffusion’ is the biggest problem of today’s couples. They keep on accusing each other regarding their respective roles in a marital bond or in the family. And when it grows further it leads the couples towards the pit of ‘divorce’. Problem never ends after the divorce; in fact it increases. They suffer till their death. Therefore it is really important for the couples to be aware of their respective roles in a marriage and family.
I really appreciate and agree with many marriage and family counselors who have given their views in respect of the roles of the spouses in a family. I would really like to share all those points with you all.
General Viewpoints of Counselors
RESPECT each other’s philosophies, goals and ideals, and remember them.
TALK to her/him, not at her/him.
GIVE HER/HIM IMPORTANCE & ASK opinions also.
BE HONEST. Never lie to her/him. Be open about feelings. Apologize for your mistakes.
GIVE HER/HIM SPACE. Don’t try to control everything. Let her/him spend time with other friends.
BE SENSITIVE to her/his problems. Help each other & show each other that you care.
HONOR YOUR PARTNER. Remember your partner’s feelings. Never intentionally say something to hurt your partner.
ATTACK THE PROBLEM. When problems arise, clearly identify what the problem is. Avoid finger pointing and blaming your partner.
KEEP THE PAST BEHIND YOU. Everybody has a past, and everybody makes mistakes. The important thing to remember about the past is that it’s over. So never remind her/his past by blaming her/him for certain mistakes of her/his in the present.
KEEP THE COMMUNICATION CHANNEL OPEN. Take turns: Allow your partner to finish what he or she is saying without interrupting. Listen: If you are doing something else, stop and pay attention to your partner. Make time for communication. Eliminate the interruptions or arrange a time when you can talk with each other without interruptions.
ROLES OF SPOUSES: Biblical View Points
Ø LOVE – He should love his wife as his own body, which means that love has no place for negligence or selfishness but only sacrifice. He should be aware of her each and every need. He should take care of her. (Eph. 5:25, 28-29; 1Cor. 13: 4 – 8 )
Ø BE POLITE & CONSIDERATE – He should treat her properly whether at home or in the public. He should not treat her as an object but as his own body. (Eph. 5: 28-29)
Ø ENJOY & BE HAPPY WITH YOUR MARRIAGE – He should enjoy his married life to the highest extent. He should be satisfied with her and enjoy her till the end. (Prov. 5:18 & Eccl. 9: 9)
Ø UNDERSTAND YOUR ROLE IN A MARRIAGE – She has been given a wonderful responsibility of building and decorating her marriage & home. She is the background of a home. She needs to understand her role behind the making of a happy family. (Prov. 31:10-28)
Ø AUTHORITY OVER EACH OTHER – They have the authority to know and share each other’s feelings. They have the authority on each other’s body too. (1 Cor. 7: 4-5)
Ø BE ROLE MODELS TO EACH OTHER – The behaviour of the person is always important. Both of them can influence and build each other’s character and personality. Attentiveness, listening etc are few examples of good manner or behaviour. (1 Cor. 7: 13-14 & 16)
Ø DOING THEIR MARITAL DUTY – It is always good for the partners to think about each other’s mental and physical satisfaction and do their respective marital duties to each other. (1 Cor. 7: 3)
Hey! Married friends! I wish you all a happy married life. So, pray and start working out on your roles in your family and be happy.
